


Danny and the Swim Lesson

by Foodmoon



Series: Danno and the Crazy Man [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Abnormal animal behavior, De-pantsing, Gen, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Swim lessons, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 19:44:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13531239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foodmoon/pseuds/Foodmoon
Summary: Why does heeverlisten to Steve? The octopuses were not in the plan.





	Danny and the Swim Lesson

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are mine.
> 
> This literally jumped into my head within two minutes of replying that I had no plans for H5-0 fics.

Danny does not like octopuses. Well, scratch that. He likes them fine. In tanks, in zoos, safely on the other side of the glass where they can eat unwary sharks. Or in food, as long as someone besides him is eating them, because that’s just a texture he’s not willing to risk. Y’know, just about anywhere, any way that doesn’t include them attaching themselves to him like barnacles or over enthusiastic magnets and _squirming._

 _“Get them off of me!”_ Danny’s voice may be a little, a tad, a whole heck of a lot shrill, but he _doesn’t care!_ It’s 100% warranted to be shrill when he has hundreds (half a dozen) of the little suckers attached to his arms and legs, and one to the front of his shorts. That’s the one that’s squirming the most, and he doesn’t think it’s hungry, but by the look in its beady eyes it might just take a bite for the hell of it. And if that happens, he’s never going to forgive Steve for convincing him to give learning to swim a try.

Steve, _who’d better stop laughing if he wants to live!_

Kono and Chin, who came along because they couldn’t pass up a chance to watch Danny’s humiliation _(Steve’s a lousy teacher, and worse, he won’t shut up about it being a kid’s skill, and even Grace knows how to swim, why is he being such a chicken?),_ make soothing noises and start prodding the ones on his arms and legs until they let go enough to be tossed back into the ocean. Because, yes, apparently all the locals are _fine_ with touching them with their bare hands and acting like they’re nothing to worry about.

They get them all off _except for the one on his shorts,_ before they back off.

“Sorry, Danny, that one’s a little too intimate with you for me to be comfortable trying to separate you from it.” Kono says, laughing while pretending badly that she isn’t.

Danny looks frantically at Chin.

Who raises his hands. “Sorry, brah, that’s not a place I wanna touch. No offense.”

 _“Steve! Get it off of me! It’s wriggling!”_ he growls. Okay, maybe it’s a few octaves too high to be a growl and could be classified more as a wail, but. _**“Get it off!”**_

“Sure, sure. Calm down, Danno.” Steve stops laughing long enough to approach (or really, just laughs softer, making him sound just as crazy as he really is, the absolute bastard), reaches out, and-

He de-pantses Danny in one swift jerk, then stoops and plucks the startled octopus with the evil glint and many suckers of doom off of his shorts and tosses it into the ocean like he does this every day and Danny is overreacting and- _Danny is not overreacting!_

Steve straightens and gives him a smug, smug smile. “There you go, Danno.”

Danny bites his tongue, pulls up his shorts _(because public beach!),_ and very, very calmly says,

“I hate you, Steve.”

"Aww, Danno!" Steve whines. And it's moments like this when Danny really wishes he could hate the lunatic. It would make his life so much less difficult.

**Author's Note:**

> The only thing I can figure is that the octopuses were out feeding on shellfish nearby when something (probably Steve) startled them and they decided to hide on Danny. Because this is not typical octopus behavior from what I know.
> 
> Octopuses have indeed been known to feed on sharks placed in the same tanks in aquariums. They hide from them during the day, but they're very bold at night. Kind of like a owls vs crows thing.
> 
> One aquarium I visited as a kid even had a rather large octopus that was laid back enough that they put it in a shallow tank and let people carefully (gently) touch it. It would use its suckers to draw any appendages placed on them closer to its mouth. Which was cool, and a little bit creepy, and pretty awesome over all.
> 
> Naturally, Danny couldn't hate Steve if he tried, but it gets his point across.
> 
> Formatting kicks my ass.  
> Editing comments are fine, but please be gentle.  
> I know it's rough, no need to tell me.  
> Kudos and comments welcome.


End file.
